Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Muthu's Story



MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*

Interviewer: 'What is your birth date?'
Muthu : '13th October.'
Interviewer : 'Which year?'
Muthu : 'Every year.'
*****

*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*

The Manager asked Muthu at an interview... .
'Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?'
Muthu replied: 'P-O-S-T-B-O- X.'
*****
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, 'Do I look like a foreigner?'
Wife: 'No! Why?'
Muthu : 'In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'. . that's why.'
Wife : ?????????
*****

*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village...
Muthu said , 'No sir, only babies were born here.'
*****

*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to 'WALK! WALK!'
The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, 'I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.'
*****

*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive.'
*****

*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard

'* WASH BASIN * '
*****

*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : 'Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?'
Muthu: 'It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination. '
*****

*Oh... Lastly.... I forgot ............ the funniest.... *

At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why????????? ???
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read '*PRESS*' pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?


One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!


Dear Bo
$$
In thi
$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$ t de $perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker $ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ ervice to your company.

I am
$ ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re$pond $ oon.

Your
$ $incerely,

Marian
$hih



The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply
:

Dear Marian


I k
NOw you have been working very hard. NO wadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NO ticeably well as yet .

NO
w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNO ther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have
NO thing more to add NO w. You k NOw what I mean.


Yours truly,

Manager

Monday, November 3, 2008

Waterpark

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Generation Y

I've always wondered about Generation Y.
Now I know.

o The Silent generation,
people born before 1946.

o The Baby Boomers,
people born between 1946 and 1959.

o Generation X,
people born between 1960 and 1979.

o Generation Y,
people born between 1980 and 1995.

Why do we call the last one
generation Y?
I did not know, but a caricaturist
explains it eloquently below.
Learned something new!


Friday, September 5, 2008

Pakar Urut tradisional (Traditional Massage)


Please Make An Appointment Before You Come


Monday, August 25, 2008

WOMEN AND MEN




Believe it or not.
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....
Why?

BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME


Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...
I never looked at it this way before:


Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?


MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HISterectomy.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Reason Why I Fired/Terminate My Secretary..



Last week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy birthday!”, and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy birthday”. I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, “Good morning boss, happy birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”. I said, “Thanks Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!” We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back”.”OK”, I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”. And I just sat there…On the couch…Naked…



Thursday, July 31, 2008

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Ikan Tercekik Bola...

FISH STORY FROM WICHITA EAGLE NEWSPAPER

This was a pretty interesting story from The Sunday Wichita Eagle Newspaper a couple of weeks ago. A resident in the area saw a ball bouncing around in the pond and when he went to investigate, it was a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a child's basketball which got stuck in its mouth.

The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive but unable to, because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface. The resident tried numerous times to get the ball out but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate the ball and release the catfish.










Wasiat Nenek...

Mimah mempunyai seorang nenek yang sedang sakit yang kini terlantar di hospital. Sudah agak lame jugak Neneknye masuk hopital tuh. Pada suatu hari Mimah datang melawat neneknye bersama pakciknye, Pak Man.

Sedang2 mereka melawat Neneknye tuh, Neneknye kelihatan amat sengsare, mulutnye terkumat-kamit, tangannye menggeletar. Lalu Pak Man merapatkan diri dan kedengaran Neneknye itu meminta pen dan kertas. Lalu diberikannya oleh Mimah. Dalam terketar-ketar tuh Neneknye gagahkan jua menulis. Pak Man sangka mungkin Neneknye itu sedang menulis wasiat dan beraggapan tidak elok membaca wasiat orang yang sedang nazak lalu mengambil kertas tersebut dan disimpan di koceknya. Tak lama kemudian Neneknya itu pun menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir.

Dua hari selepas tuh, selepas semuanya kembali seperti sediakala, Pak Man menghimpunkan semua ahli keluarga dengn tujuan hendak membacakan wasiat Neneknya yang telah di amanahkan kepadanya. Antara daripada wasiat itu berbunyi

"MAN, JANGAN KAU PIJAK GETAH OKSIGEN AKU TUH"..

**Senyum itu pun satu sedekah..Jadi Senyum2 lah selalu...(",)

P/S KALAU TENGOK ORANG SAKIT TENGOK-TENGOKLAH KAT TEPI/BAWAH KATIL

Stupid Q with Smart Answer

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple


GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??


BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??


BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??


SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.


MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.


WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.


MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.


Girlfriend : ...And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.


Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil : The moon.
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.
Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.


Waiter : Would you like your coffee black?
Customer : What other colors do you have?


My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot !
Sam : It's a family tradition.
Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.
Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She's a woman.


Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.


Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.


Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".


Teacher : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
One Student : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.


Teacher : George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: Because George still had the axe in is hand.

Monday, July 28, 2008

BAgi Penampar JEr...

Paling banyak banyak binatang kat dalam hutan belantara... . Binatang ape yang pemalas ????

Answer : Singa Jantan...pasal dia malas nak cukur misai sampai tebal satu muka....


2) Kenapa Amerika takut kat Jepon..... dan Jepon pulak takut kat Amerika?????

Answer : Pasal Jepon ade Ultraman.... Amerika pulak kan ade Superman...? !


3) Dalam banyak banyak Pokok....Pokok ape yg paling tinggi ???

Answer : Pokok atas gunung ddahhhh..... ....


4) Kalau kamu pandai....Sila jawab soalan inie dalam bahasa Arab dah.

Soalan :

(A)Seorang Tua jatuh dari tingkat 40 lalu mati.......
(B)Siti Nurhaliza berlari keliling padang tanpa seurat benang....
(C)Bulan depan gaji Rahim naik $1 juta.......

Answer :

(A) Inna'lillah wa'inna'lillah hira'ji'unn. ....
(B) Astagh'firullah' hal'azimm. ......
(C) Al'hamdulillah. .........

5) Ade seorang budak , rumah tingkat 10 , tiap-tiap hari , dia naik lif sampai tingkat 8 , terus naik tangga lagi 2 tingkat....kenapa pulak?

Answer : Sebab budak nie pendek ..tak sampai nak picit tingkat 10....

6) Paling banyak banyak Bangsa dalam alam inie...Bangsa yg mane satukah yang paling hebat dalam dunia nie?????????

Answer : Tak tahu ke???..... Bangsa Melayu dahh....pasal boleh makan UBI KAYU... JAMBU BATU, PUCUK PAKU.... BELIMBING BESI....IKAN SELAR PAPAN...BUAH KERAS...CILI API dan lain lain lagi.....betul tak???

7) Ape bendenye .dia naik cepat tapi turun lambaaaaaaaaaaat sangat....?? ????

Answer : hingus lahhh.......

8) Banyak banyak surat ....... surat ape yg tak perlu di jawab?????

Answer : Suratan takdir illahi lahh ...( siapa yg nak surat seperti ini?)


9) Siapakah orang yang paling layak digelar " keras kepala " ?

Answer : Penunggang motosikal yang tak pakai helmet...sebab mereka rasa "kepala mereka dah keras" tak payah pakai helmet...maknanya kalau moto mereka terbalek...terbabas ke...masok bawah lori ke... kepala mereka takkan pecah....... .hehehehehe. .......

10) Buat Baik berpada-pada, Buat jahat .......... ????

Answer : JANGAN LAGI....bukan buat jahat jangan sekali kerana kalau inilah jawapannya maka kena buat jahat berkali kali sebab disuruh buat jahat jgn sekali.... Faham ? !?

11) Kenapa baju Superman Ketat??????? ?

Answer : Kan kat depan baju dia tuu hurup " S " , Baju dia size S lahhh..

12) Kenapa KLCC berkembar 2 ??

Answer : Sukahati die la nk berkembar 2 ker 3 ker 4 ker, yg korang sibuk apsal..

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